Birth Story Part 3

This is my birth story continued. See part 1 here and part 2 here. The same goes with this one as parts 1 and 2. I’ve only read through it once so I likely missed some editing errors. Please let me know and I’ll fix them!

The version you are reading here is the condensed, man-safe, squeamish-free version. The unabridged version is here, and the password is my name, all lower case. (If you have trouble accessing it, just let me know)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013. Inanna Birth & Women’s Care. (continued)

She came completely out in one fell swoop!

That was it!

She was out!

I was DONE!

She surprised everyone because since she was so big, they thought that her shoulders would be the hardest part of labor for me. They had two midwives there for that very reason! The midwives had planned on suctioning her nose and mouth with a machine when her head came out, but before her body came out. She had had a bowel movement in utero and they didn’t want her to breathe in the meconium so this suction would have ensured it was out of all of her orifices.  Well, she came out so quickly that they didn’t have a chance to use the machine. She went from tops of ears to completely out rather than stopping at the shoulders like they thought she would (or like most babies do). Immediately after she came out, both of them quickly suctioned her mouth and nose manually and luckily she did not have a chance to breathe in any meconium.

I wanted to hold my baby. At the time, I didn’t really know what they were doing and what was taking so long. I thought the second she came out, she would be on my belly! It felt like an eternity, even though I know it was only a few seconds. The short delay was necessary to ensure she didn’t breathe in the meconium. They put her on my tummy right after they cleared her airways and then put some warm towels over her and me.

Getting to hold her….

She laid on my chest and looked around and took everything in. She was so alert and interested in everything.  She was even trying to turn her head around! I’ve never seen anything like it! I still didn’t really know what she looked like. I really couldn’t get a good look at her face from the angle she was at but I didn’t want to move her. I wanted to hold her tight to my chest and never let her go. I was crying and at the same time shaking uncontrollably. I thought I might be cold but it turns out it was a side effect of something they had given me during labor that makes you shaky for a few minutes. The shakes subsided after about 20 or 30 minutes after she was born.

First picture of baby girl! She had a mushy face, but no cone head!

Aftermath…

I talked to someone on the phone (my dad?) while she was laying there but I can’t exactly remember who. Around that time my mom came in as well. I’m glad that the hormones or whatever is running through your body make you just don’t care because if I were in my right mind, I probably wouldn’t have wanted her to come in until they cleaned everything up and got me a little more presentable. Somewhere in all that, maybe 5 minutes after she was born, it was time for the cord to be cut. I remember thinking how quickly it was happening. I thought it would take much longer for all the blood to transfer from the placenta to her. I even asked Betty because I was concerned. I absolutely didn’t want the cord cut until it had been drained and the cord stopped pulsing. But the midwife said she had confirmed it had stopped pulsing! So, Leighton cut her cord! I don’t really remember it happening, I just know he did it.

Anyway, about 5 minutes later, we gave her to her daddy, skin to skin, so that I could finish the birthing process. Yes, there’s more, but I won’t go into details here. 🙂 Daddy took off his shirt and he took his baby girl into his arms for the first time. Now, this was very soon after her cord was cut and it ended up draining down his belly. We actually have a great picture of him making this awful face and my mom in the background with an expression of pure joy. Absolutely hilarious!

Next, they started doing, what I consider, the painful part (aside from birth). They checked my uterus to make sure it was shrinking and the bleeding was slowing by pressing and grabbing hard at my belly. After that, my mom handed me my baby girl so I could hold her some more.  Leighton had handed her to my mom so she could hold her while they were doing all the stuff to me. They continued check my uterus every few minutes for the next few hours and it was incredibly uncomfortable every time! Definitely my least favorite part about the whole thing.

Next, Betty started checking me out down there. I’m not really sure what all she and Jean did. I was talking to my mom, Leighton, calling dad, grandma and others…sending texts. Finally Betty let me know that I did tear, but it wasn’t serious. I can’t even remember what degree she assigned it…first or second. Probably second degree but no stitches!

After the initial checks, I don’t remember pain so much at this point but I remember numbness and being very uncomfortable. I had to get up and try to pee several times. I wasn’t allowed to leave until I went to the restroom. About this time, we decided to put a diaper on her just in case she decided to go potty. This is where we discovered just how big she was! All we had brought with us were newborn diapers! Well, those just barely fit her little hiney! Luckily we were next door to a Walgreens and my mom offered to go pick up a pack of size 1 diapers for us. For now, Betty somehow got the newborn diaper to fit her. Ha!

Food!

They told me that I needed to eat something now. Really, all I wanted to do was hold and look at my new baby…but, I knew better and that my body had just been through hell so it might be in my best interest to eat! I had brought a Marie Calendar’s Chicken Pot Pie. I just remember being so uninterested. I ate a couple bites here and there, but I really didn’t eat much at all. I may have eaten a third or even a quarter of it at the most. I’m not sure I ate anything until the next day…and I can’t even think of what that was!

Breastfeeding

After we got her in a diaper, I got to try my hand at breastfeeding for the first time. I get teary eyed just thinking about it now. I remember thinking right before how I wish I’d read the breastfeeding books that I had. I had gotten just a few chapters into the Dr. Sears one. Well, lucky for me, this girl came out a pro. They gave her to me and this was the first time I really got a good look at her face. I remember how red she was, how very round her face was, and how squished up it was!  I was instantly in love. When I put her to my chest she opened wide and latched right on. I didn’t think she was latched correctly, though. Everything that I had read to that point said that it should not hurt. If it hurts, the latch is incorrect. Well, the birth assistant and my doula, Brittany, both checked her latch and said it was perfect! So, let me tell you, breastfeeding hurts at first. Not doubled-over-in-pain hurt. Just a dull pain. She nursed on my left side first. She nursed for, what I felt like, was a really long time at first! I didn’t think she would nurse long since her tummy is so small at this point. They let me know that, while she seemed to be nursing for a long time, not much was coming out. They said tiny drops at the most right now.  A little while later I nursed her again on the right side. I remember asking if I could hold her in the football position (like I had to ask permission or something! haha!) because I didn’t really know how to hold a baby in my right arm!  Well, she nursed great the second time as well.

First outfit!

Once she had fed twice, once on each side, we decided to get her an outfit on. I would hopefully be leaving soon so we wanted to get her ready. When you birth at a birth center, you usually go home within 2 to 4 hours of giving birth. We were probably right at the 2 hour mark at this point. Anyway, I’m pretty savvy with babies because I’ve been around babies all my life. Leighton, on the other hand, had probably barely even held a baby at that point! So, Betty, or maybe it was the birth assistant, showed him how to change her diaper and how to get her dressed. It was absolutely precious! Nothing like seeing a daddy with his brand new baby girl. We had brought a newborn outfit and a 0-3 month outfit. Since she didn’t fit into newborn diapers, we put her in the 0-3 month outfit. Come to find out later, she would have fit in the newborn. It was so cute! Wish we had at least tried it! 🙂

Waiting to be released

So at this point, we are just waiting to be released. My uterus had not shrunk back down enough to make way for my bladder (or, that’s what I remember them saying) so, until it had shrunk enough for that, it just wasn’t safe to send me home. While we waited, we filled out paperwork and also had to try and decide what her name would be. She still didn’t have a name! If you want to see the story of how she got her name, you can read it here. We named this beauty Vivienne Emma-Leigh. We decided we would call her Vivi for short. Shortly after we decided on her name, I was able to finally be released to go home.

Discharge

Before we left, the birth assistant went through all the medical stuff with us. What’s normal, what’s not, when to call, etc. Leighton packed everything up and started loading the car. I had put on my super soft, comfy black nightgown and my robe to go over it. I was wearing my new awesome shoes I had gotten at Journeys. They were so comfy! She taught us how to buckle her in her carseat, took a family photo, then sent us on our way!

Going Home

I remember stepping outside of the birthing center and immediately regretting not bringing a jacket! See, it was late February, but this is Texas! I don’t remember the exact temperature when I left for the birthing center, but I remember that I didn’t even need a light jacket. When I went outside after she was born, it was around midnight and it was FREEZING! I was so cold! I had to wait while Leighton got Vivienne buckled in. It was probably only 10 or 15 seconds, but it was enough to have me hopping around. After he got her in, I eased myself into the back seat next to my little angel. That’s a scary thing after giving birth. You know….sitting. I told Leighton to be very careful because bumps would hurt! He joked and said he was going to go 20 mph all the way home! I’m sure he was a nervous daddy driving his 4 1/2 hour-old baby home. He turned on 101.1 so it would be a soothing sound for her. In fact, the radio stayed on 101.1 for weeks afterwards. She was awake much, or maybe even all, of the ride home. Looking and taking it all in.

Home

When we got home we were greeted by my mom, my dad, and my sister, Cassie. My daddy had a nightcap on. What a goof! He was also still wearing a boot from where he had broken his ankle a few days before. I went to the restroom as soon as we got home while Leighton unbuckled our little girl and showed her off to them and also revealed her name. She let everyone hold her and then after a few minutes, started acting like she wanted to eat so I went in the dining room to feed her. The dining room was right behind our living room and for whatever reason, our glider was in there…so that’s where I went! After I fed her, my mom told us to get into bed and get some sleep. I remember thinking that, even though it’s almost 2 a.m., I am wide awake! My adrenaline was still pumping! I decided to take her advice, though. They all left and we went to bed.

Sleep

We had a cradle in our room right next to the bed. I put her in it and the minute I laid her down, she started to whine and fuss a little bit. I remember looking up at Leighton helpless. Like, “What do I do??” Neither of us knew what to do to get her to sleep without her crying. I looked at him and told him that I was just going to put her in bed with us. She didn’t cry when I held her and I didn’t have the energy to try to figure out ways to get her to sleep. In hindsight I’m SO glad I did that.  I cringe at the thought of my 7 hour old baby sleeping alone! Going from comfy, cozy, momma’s womb to a giant (relatively) cradle all alone! We all fell asleep pretty quickly. When we woke up, it was daylight. Leighton and I woke about the same time. The first thing I noticed was that neither of us had moved an inch the entire night! She was still cradled right between us in the bed. The second thing I noticed was that she was wide awake. She wasn’t fussing or crying. She was just looking. Studying. Taking it all in. I immediately thought about how blessed we were already. I asked Leighton what time it was and we learned that it was after 10 a.m.! What the…?? She slept over 7 hours?! I thought babies only slept 2 hours at a time!?!? Well, come to find out, many babies have a very long sleep the first night after being born. Birth was just as rough on them as it is momma! They’re pooped too! I will always be thankful my girl gave us nearly 8 hours sleep on our first night home. It made getting through the next few days much easier.

Conclusion

I could keep writing and writing about her first day, her first few days, her first few weeks…but I suppose I need to stop somewhere and I guess this is where I should stop! In conclusion, I will say this…

Home? So fast??

Some people question why or how I went home so quickly. That they can’t imagine being made to get up and leave so quickly! I, however, cannot imagine it the other way around. I was ready to go home 2 hours after she was born. I wanted out of there! I was ready to be in my own home, in my own bed. Also, I know if I had been in a hospital, I wouldn’t have gotten a full night’s rest the first night. I think its a huge misconception that, by staying in the hospital, you get more sleep. I just don’t know how you could with people coming in and poking, prodding, and bugging you every hour or two!

Birth Center

I loved my experience at the birth center and I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t change anything about it. It was perfect and it was beautiful. I feel great about the way in which my daughter was born into this world. No drugs, no intervention, nothing. Now, I don’t judge if you do use or do any of those things, I just don’t think they’re what is best for the baby in 90% (maybe more) of the cases. Your body knows what to do. It’s time we start trusting our bodies!

Pain

Ohhh the pain. The questions about the pain. I get so many. The pain hurt. Yes, it hurt. A watermelon came out of a tiny hole in my body. It’s gonna hurt. However, this pain is much different than any other. It is pain with a purpose. It is pain with a light at the end of the tunnel. It is manageable pain. To be successful at it, you have to go in with the mindset that intervention is not an option. (within reason. I’m not a crazy anti-any-intervention-ever person) If you say in the back of your head that “if it gets bad enough” you’ll get an epidural, you’ll get an epidural. I think coaching and support has a lot to do with it as well. My doula and my husband (and maybe a small fear of needles) were HUGE parts in keeping my eyes on the goal. My entire birth team was supportive of the decision I was making and they all knew my exact wishes and supported them 100%. I had a great birth prep class and I had also read quite a bit about it. I think this all contributed to the success of an intervention-free, drug-free birth. I think the alertness of my daughter showed the success of a drug-free birth as well. That’s all I’ll say about that before I get on my soapbox!! 😉

Well, there you have it ladies & gents. Part 3! She’s home, she’s healthy, she’s amazing. Six months and going strong!

Birth Story Part 2

This is my birth story continued. See part 1 here. The same goes with this one as part 1. I’ve only read through it once so I likely missed some editing errors. Please let me know and I’ll fix them!

The version you are reading here is the condensed, man-safe, squeamish-safe version. The unabridged version is here, and the password is my husband’s name, all lower case. (If you have trouble accessing it, just let me know)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013. Inanna Birth & Women’s Care.

3:45 p.m.

We finally arrived at Inanna. On the way in we had to stop once or twice for a contraction to pass. At this point, I was VERY vocal during my contractions. I consider myself to have a relatively high tolerance for pain. I know, especially now, that nothing compares to child birth. However, I figured I would be more of a grunter and teeth clencher than a screamer. Not. So. We finally got inside and went directly back to the main birthing room to be checked. As I walked in I remember seeing a girl leaving her appointment and another just coming in for hers. I heard the office manager say something to the effect of, “THERE she is. I thought that was what heard outside!” haha

When I got to the birthing room, Betty checked me and said I was almost dilated to an 8! I’m not sure if I said it, but my first thought was, “THANK GOD!!!!” Up to that point, I had thought I was still in the first or second stage of labor. This meant BIG things! Hard, fast, close contractions, plus being dilated to an 8 meant TRANSITION!!! (stage 3) I remember feeling incredibly relieved that the pain I was feeling now was the worst of it. Mind you, that didn’t make it hurt LESS, but I took some comfort knowing that this is as bad as it gets. (Although, at the time, I still questioned what people said about this being the worst part of labor. I mean, seriously. Pushing a baby out doesn’t hurt worse than this? Riiiight…) The second thing I thought was, I was relieved I was in the large birthing room. I had lots of room to move around and the bathroom with the shower was very close by.

Side note: After the birth, Betty told me that when I had called earlier, she called the birthing team to let them know we would probably have a baby tonight but that I was a first time mom so there wouldn’t be any rush and I would probably be in labor for a while. She told them she would call me when I was closer. With this new bit of information (Wowza! Way further along than she or I, for that matter, expected!), Betty left the room to call the birth team and update them to let them know I was very close and to come immediately!

A couple of weeks prior, I had tested positive for Group B Strep, which meant that I needed to get at least two doses of antibiotic, four hours apart before I gave birth. I have a horrible fear of needles so this is the part of the birth I looked forward to the least. Amidst all the pain of childbirth, I was still terrified of this needle that Betty was about to stick in me! She wanted to get the port (or whatever it was) in me ASAP since I was much further along already than anticipated. It was unlikely I would still be in labor 8 hours from now! Well, Betty started to try to start the IV, but she couldn’t get my veins. She didn’t want to poke and prod me 100 times so she said we would wait for Jean to get there because she was much better and could probably get it in one try. This was probably my fault as I had not drank much water that day so I’m sure my veins were hiding and hard to get at!

No idea what times were at this point so, I’ll just name the time periods… Also, this comes the point where my memory started to get fuzzy. I may have events slightly out of order but in the end, it’s all the same!

The Shower.

After the attempt at the IV, someone asked if I wanted to get in the shower. Or maybe I wanted to get in the shower and asked. I can’t remember. Either way, someone started the shower for me and I couldn’t wait to get in! I remembered how much better I felt in my own shower during contractions so I was looking forward to getting in the shower. After they told me it was ready, I made my way to the shower, got in and stood with my back to the warm water. I immediately felt waves of relief. I felt SO much better.

Also, random…but there was a smell that I would get a whiff of once in a while. It smelled so good! I actually looked forward to smelling it! Later, I learned it was one of those automatic air fresheners. Ha!

The Poke.

The second midwife, Jean, had finally arrived while I was in the shower. Since she was there, I had to get out of the shower so Jean could put the port (IV? whatever it was…I’m calling it a port) in for the antibiotics. I put on my gown and laid down to get poked (my ONLY poke during labor! Thank goodness!). Jean was amazing, and I don’t remember much from the stick. She got the antibiotics ready and injected them into the port. I didn’t feel any of that but Leighton had told me that he remembers thinking that it was A LOT of fluid they injected!

The Shower Part Deux.

After the poke, I wanted to get back in the shower so I headed back into the bathroom to get into the shower. I think by this time, my doula had arrived. If I remember correctly, my mom arrived around the same time. Leighton left and went to talk to her and then asked me if she could come in and see me. I said yes. I don’t remember what she said, or I said or even if we talked! But I know she went back into the parlor after being in there for a minute. I still didn’t want her to be right by me at the time, but I was glad she was there and did want her at the birthing center just in case I needed her.

See, the birthing center is in an old, old house that has been converted into a birthing center. The walls are thin…the doors are thin. You can hear pretty much everything from one room to the next. It’s not like a hospital where you wait down the hall in a nice cushy waiting room with cable and coffee. It’s a parlor with a dining table and chairs and an old chaise lounge. So, mom, sitting in the very next room, had the pleasure of enduring and listening to me labor from, I’m assuming was around 5 or 5:30 (since she came after work) until I gave birth. A few days later she told me it’s one of the hardest things she’s ever had to sit through. I can imagine, though! Your kid (or anyone, really!) is in the worst pain of her life and the only thing you can do is sit and listen! I don’t know how she did it. I really don’t!

The Peanut Labor.

Anyways, after I was in the shower for a few minutes (I think??), I started to feel like I had to force myself to hold back and not push. It’s a very strange feeling when your body takes over and just does something on its own like that. So weird! Since I was feeling the urge to push, they told me it was time to get out of the shower. I dried off and went back to the bed. Once I was on the bed, Betty checked me to see if my cervix was ready for me to push. I still had a little bit of dilation to do so they put me on my side with my legs on either side of the peanut (a peanut shaped yoga ball). Also, while checking her heartbeat, they saw that she had rotated a little off-center so we needed to get her to turn the right way. Laboring in this position was going to help her turn back to where she should be. Of course she’s in the exact right position for birth my entire pregnancy up until it’s time to give birth! Thanks, Miss May Bee!! hehe!

I was on my side for a while and the whole time, I was very vocal during the contractions. However, the position I was in was really helping me through them. I didn’t want to open my eyes or speak to anyone. I heard what everyone was saying, but I didn’t respond, or really even acknowledge anyone was talking to me. I was listening and I absolutely appreciated the encouraging words and everything they were saying, I just had no desire to respond. At one point, Betty came up to me and got right in my face. She said, “Jennilee, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me.” I think she said that 3 or 4 times before I finally did it. I looked at Betty, and she told me that when I had a contraction, I needed to deepen my voice. Make low grunting and moaning sounds and it would help me through the contraction better. Up to that point, my “moans,” or whatever you want to call them, were very high-pitched. My first thought was, “This lady is crazy.” But, I tried it anyway. Amazingly it really did help get me through the contractions. I continued this technique throughout the rest of my labor and I could definitely tell when I wasn’t moaning “low” enough.

Breaking of the Waters.

Every few minutes (I’m assuming every 15-20 minutes?), Betty or the birth assistant was checking baby girl’s heart rate with the doppler. They would check my cervix when I showed signs of having progressed and dilated. I remember her checking maybe 3 times before I was fully dilated. One of the things I LOVED about my birth experience is that they asked me before they did ANY type of intervention. Also, before the birth, they asked me which ones I was okay with and which ones I wasn’t. Breaking of the waters was one that I told them I wanted to decide then if I wanted it done or not. I wanted to keep things as natural as possible.

At this point, I was pretty much dilated and ready to push but Miss May Bee had still not dropped into the birth canal. There were two possible reasons why she still hadn’t dropped. Either she was too big for the birth canal or she was possibly sitting on a pouch of fluids from the bag of waters. Jean asked me if I wanted her to break my water. I thought about it for a second or two. I wanted as few interventions as possible but after I quickly thought about it, I decided that it was probably best that she break my water. Especially if that was what was keeping my girl from dropping into the birth canal. The labor would not progress until she dropped. So, I told Jean to go ahead and break my water.

When she broke my water, she saw that there was a small amount of meconium (baby poop) in the amniotic fluid. It wasn’t very much, so they weren’t concerned. However, Betty did come tell me that once her head was out, but before I pushed her shoulders out, they would need to suction her mouth and nose with a machine to make sure she did not breathe in the meconium. She turned the machine on for me so I could hear it and it would be a familiar sound when we got to that point and they had to use it.

The Labor and Progress.

After she broke my water, I rocked back to my side and labored there for a little longer. The first contraction I got after she broke my water was the worst contraction I had of my entire labor.

Terrible.

Awful.

Excruciating.

I can’t even describe it.

I really thought I wouldn’t make it through that one. Sixty seconds never lasted so long! After a while on my side, they moved me to my knees to where I was leaning on peanut with my chest and arms.

What’s Everyone Else Doing??

Leighton: While in this position I remembering wanting a sip of water after every contraction. I don’t know if I wanted this while I was on my side, but I definitely remember wanting it in this position. I’m pretty sure the only words I said my entire labor were “water” and then I told my husband, “water after every time.” Or something like that…which he and Brittany deducted that I meant after every contraction.

Brittany: Speaking encouraging words to me. Most of my birth I heard no one but her. She has a very soft, soothing voice and it was very calming and reassuring to me. I’m sure there were other things, but that is what stands out.

Betty, Jean, the birth assistant & the student midwife: I have no idea! hahaha….

It was at this point, Betty told me to go ahead and start pushing with the contractions. I really thought it was going to hurt worse, but it actually made the contractions much, much less painful. Now, the kind of pushing I was doing was not, what I’ll call, active pushing…like, get a baby out pushing…I was just pushing with the contraction. Betty gave me more coaching on productive vocalization during contractions. Hold your breath, lower your voice, etc. Betty hadn’t checked me in a while so she told me I needed to get to my back so she could see if I was fully dilated now. In order to check me, I had to move to my back. I was not looking forward to the move. I was comfortable where I was and didn’t want to get into any other position. I reluctantly moved to my back, finally. When she checked me, I was pretty much dilated (or darn close to done) and I ended up staying in that position because the thought of moving again was terrible. Plus, with Miss May Bee’s positioning, Betty thought it would be a good position to birth anyway.

The Birth.

I went through a few more really painful contractions and then suddenly they became less and less painful and it became easier to push. In fact, while I was pushing, I felt very little pain at all. Now they were instructing me on how to push more effectively and moving my legs into different positions to get her to come out easier. I realized that this was it! This was the real thing and I was about to meet my precious baby girl!

What’s Everyone Else Doing??

Leighton: He was at my side. Most of the time his hand was on me. On my head, on my shoulder, on my chest (not my boobs! LOL…my chest!) or my arm. He didn’t say much but I really didn’t need him to. He kissed me on the head a few times and would give my shoulders a little rub here and there. Everything he did was perfect.

Brittany: Continued to speak encouragement and reassurance. Held my left leg for most of the time I was pushing.

Student Midwife: Held my left leg after Brittany took a bathroom break (she was VERY pregnant!!).

Jean: Sitting next to me on the bed holding my right leg during contractions.

Betty & the Birth Assistant: I have no idea! They were “down there” somewhere doing “something.” hahahaha

I started to push for real now. It took me a little while to get the right push down. You kind of have to teach yourself what is right. It’s one of those things that you don’t exactly know what it’s supposed to feel like but once you get it right, you know you got it right and you try to do it the same way every time after that!

The Crowning.

After pushing for what seemed like a relatively short time, she began to crown. From what I’m told, she had one sprig of hair poking out straight up! I heard everyone start giggling (keep in mind, my eyes were closed pretty much the ENTIRE time). I remember thinking, “What in the HECK could be so dang funny? What are they laughing at?!?” They eventually told me that she had a full head of hair and she had one alfalfa-like hair sticking straight up! This point of pushing was two steps forward, one step back. I would push and she would crown some and then retreat back in. Over and over.

Anyway, we stayed at this point for a while and the real pain of pushing her out had not yet started but the pain of transition had subsided. Even though she had started crowning, it wasn’t her entire head yet. Mind you, this was not painless, it was just this in between time where it wasn’t as painful as before and the pain of the actual birth hadn’t begun.

The Ring of Fire.

After some big pushes, from what I’m told, this is the point where she came out about to her hairline or the tops of her ears. That’s when the pain of actual child birth started. I had heard about the “ring of fire” and that’s exactly what it felt like! The only way I can describe it to someone that hasn’t had a baby is, it feels like an Indian rug burn. Really. It felt just like that!

I felt like we were in this position forever! I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. In reality, I think it was only a few minutes…if even that. Towards the end I really started to get tired. They got me a juice box to give me a burst of energy because I was really running out. they handed me the juice box and I remember seeing the juice box and thinking, “Ugh. Wal-mart brand.” I didn’t want to drink it! Hahaha… anyway….

The Final Pushes.

When her head was about halfway out, I skipped pushing for a set of contractions. I genuinely did not think I could finish this job. I opened my eyes, looked over and told Jean (crying) that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t finish it. I didn’t have anything left in me. She looked at me and gave me some encouraging words. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but she basically told me that I, in fact, could. I remembered at that point all the stories of previous births they had told us. They had told us that just when you think you can’t do it anymore and you don’t have anything else left in you, that’s when you’re almost done. When you’re at the very end and about to meet your little one.

Well, I drank the rest of the juice down and the next contraction I pushed as hard as I could!

Nothing.

The next contraction I gave absolutely every last thing I had in me…

Stay tuned for the final installment…Part 3!! 😉

Motherhood: Week 3

I’m three weeks into motherhood today. Can you believe it? I can’t. Mostly, I cannot believe it’s already been three weeks. I feel like I was just heading home from the birthing center a few days ago.

I love being a mother. Especially to the beauty I hold in my arms for hours on end each day. I could not have been blessed with a more amazing child than what I have been given. I love so many things about being her momma that I never understood or thought I would love before. I like lists…so I’ll give you a list.

Nursing
My most favorite thing to do in the entire world is nurse her. I had always planned on breastfeeding my kids but I never really understood the bond that takes place. It’s an indescribable feeling to watch her, talk to her and get to spend those special moments with her each day. She watches back and will study my face and every once in a while, give me a little grin. I love to watch her eyelids get droopy and heavy as she tries to fight off sleep while she eats. Now that I’m trying to put the feelings and what I see into words, I realize that it’s not possible. Only that I now understand and know why breastfeeding is so important and why mothers that do it consider it some of the most valuable time they will ever spend with their child.

Leaving
I never really understood how hard it is to leave your baby. The very thought of going back to work reduces me to a ball of tears every time I give myself more than 30 seconds to think about it. I never thought that would be me. I thought 6 weeks at home with a baby would leave me begging for adult attention and interaction. Now, at week 3, I just do not see that happening. I can’t stand the thought of leaving her to go to work. I went to the dentist the other day and was away from her for about an hour and a half and after my appointment I went right to her and took her away from her daddy and hugged her tight while I paid and scheduled follow up appointments. I didn’t even want to put her back in her car seat. I realize some of these feelings will pass but I know I will cry like a baby when it’s time to go back to work. Too bad Chase wants me to actually pay them for my house. The absurdity of it!! Really!

Rocking, Sleeping and Co-Sleeping
I love rocking her to sleep (most of the time!). I just like feeling her falling asleep on my shoulder or in my arms and then hearing her breathe and listening to her little baby noises she makes while she’s dreaming. And something I never, ever thought I’d say is that I don’t mind co-sleeping from time to time. In fact, at least once a night I end up falling asleep while she’s nursing and she ends up sleeping an hour or two with me anyway. The night she was born and we brought her home, she slept cozied and swaddled between Leighton and me. She fussed for a bit when we put her in her cradle and we didn’t have the energy to figure out how to get a baby to go to sleep so I held her and she slept with us her first night out of the womb. She slept for 8 hours that night. That was truly a Godsend because we were both so incredibly exhausted from the birth, we really needed the rest. Leighton hasn’t wanted her to sleep in the bed since then because he is afraid he will roll over her so, like I said, she only co-sleeps from time to time. So far, it’s just for the short time if I fall asleep while she’s nursing and she slept with me when she was really fussy when Leighton was out of town. I know I’ll probably get some hate for co-sleeping (I was 1000% against it before I was a momma), but just know that I’m doing what’s best for us and our baby and if I thought for one second I would harm my baby, I wouldn’t ever do it!

Dress Up
I love to dress her up in the cute outfits people got her. I never thought I would care for that but I hate having to put her in boring old onesies! Give me the cute outfits! (notice I did not say overly frilly or pink!) And I know this may come as a shock to you all, but I do love to put cute bows in her hair. HOWEVER, they are all within reason! I still draw the line at the obscenely large, as-big-as-her-head bows. I have a few…and they’re cute. BUT, they’re just going to have to wait until her head gets big enough for them! 🙂 I bought her a headband for Easter and when I got it in (see facebook for a pic), it is quite a bit bigger than I thought it would be. However, we have a couple more weeks until Easter so I’m hoping she grows into it because it is oh, so cute! (But then I need her to shrink back down because I hate how fast she is growing L)
Staring
I’m a class A stare-er now. I stare at Vivienne way too much. I’ll prop her up on my legs and we’ll just sit in the chair or on the bed staring back and forth and making faces at each other. It’s good times, I tell you! Sometimes it’s while she’s sleeping too (as I sit here staring at the baby monitor of her sweet little baby face). But I just want to take it all in and remember every little detail of this precious girl’s face.

Well, it’s late and I’m sure baby girl will be up in an hour or so to eat so I better get to bed so I’ll be rested enough to wake up and feed her. Sorry if there are typos in my post. I only got to re-read and proofread it once! 🙂