I’m three weeks into motherhood today. Can you believe it? I can’t. Mostly, I cannot believe it’s already been three weeks. I feel like I was just heading home from the birthing center a few days ago.
I love being a mother. Especially to the beauty I hold in my arms for hours on end each day. I could not have been blessed with a more amazing child than what I have been given. I love so many things about being her momma that I never understood or thought I would love before. I like lists…so I’ll give you a list.
My most favorite thing to do in the entire world is nurse her. I had always planned on breastfeeding my kids but I never really understood the bond that takes place. It’s an indescribable feeling to watch her, talk to her and get to spend those special moments with her each day. She watches back and will study my face and every once in a while, give me a little grin. I love to watch her eyelids get droopy and heavy as she tries to fight off sleep while she eats. Now that I’m trying to put the feelings and what I see into words, I realize that it’s not possible. Only that I now understand and know why breastfeeding is so important and why mothers that do it consider it some of the most valuable time they will ever spend with their child.
I never really understood how hard it is to leave your baby. The very thought of going back to work reduces me to a ball of tears every time I give myself more than 30 seconds to think about it. I never thought that would be me. I thought 6 weeks at home with a baby would leave me begging for adult attention and interaction. Now, at week 3, I just do not see that happening. I can’t stand the thought of leaving her to go to work. I went to the dentist the other day and was away from her for about an hour and a half and after my appointment I went right to her and took her away from her daddy and hugged her tight while I paid and scheduled follow up appointments. I didn’t even want to put her back in her car seat. I realize some of these feelings will pass but I know I will cry like a baby when it’s time to go back to work. Too bad Chase wants me to actually pay them for my house. The absurdity of it!! Really!
Rocking, Sleeping and Co-Sleeping
I love rocking her to sleep (most of the time!). I just like feeling her falling asleep on my shoulder or in my arms and then hearing her breathe and listening to her little baby noises she makes while she’s dreaming. And something I never, ever thought I’d say is that I don’t mind co-sleeping from time to time. In fact, at least once a night I end up falling asleep while she’s nursing and she ends up sleeping an hour or two with me anyway. The night she was born and we brought her home, she slept cozied and swaddled between Leighton and me. She fussed for a bit when we put her in her cradle and we didn’t have the energy to figure out how to get a baby to go to sleep so I held her and she slept with us her first night out of the womb. She slept for 8 hours that night. That was truly a Godsend because we were both so incredibly exhausted from the birth, we really needed the rest. Leighton hasn’t wanted her to sleep in the bed since then because he is afraid he will roll over her so, like I said, she only co-sleeps from time to time. So far, it’s just for the short time if I fall asleep while she’s nursing and she slept with me when she was really fussy when Leighton was out of town. I know I’ll probably get some hate for co-sleeping (I was 1000% against it before I was a momma), but just know that I’m doing what’s best for us and our baby and if I thought for one second I would harm my baby, I wouldn’t ever do it!
I love to dress her up in the cute outfits people got her. I never thought I would care for that but I hate having to put her in boring old onesies! Give me the cute outfits! (notice I did not say overly frilly or pink!) And I know this may come as a shock to you all, but I do love to put cute bows in her hair. HOWEVER, they are all within reason! I still draw the line at the obscenely large, as-big-as-her-head bows. I have a few…and they’re cute. BUT, they’re just going to have to wait until her head gets big enough for them! 🙂 I bought her a headband for Easter and when I got it in (see facebook for a pic), it is quite a bit bigger than I thought it would be. However, we have a couple more weeks until Easter so I’m hoping she grows into it because it is oh, so cute! (But then I need her to shrink back down because I hate how fast she is growing L)
I’m a class A stare-er now. I stare at Vivienne way too much. I’ll prop her up on my legs and we’ll just sit in the chair or on the bed staring back and forth and making faces at each other. It’s good times, I tell you! Sometimes it’s while she’s sleeping too (as I sit here staring at the baby monitor of her sweet little baby face). But I just want to take it all in and remember every little detail of this precious girl’s face.
Well, it’s late and I’m sure baby girl will be up in an hour or so to eat so I better get to bed so I’ll be rested enough to wake up and feed her. Sorry if there are typos in my post. I only got to re-read and proofread it once! 🙂